40 weeks

Dear Baby,
Tomorrow marks 40 weeks of pregnancy.  What a ride!  The past few weeks I have been nothing short of a basketcase. I have carried so much anxiety around....

How would I be mommy to 2 kids?!

Where will the money come from for child care?!

How the #*^% am I going to have a baby without medications?!

When will you come and will you interrupt your brother's performance in the 'Three Piggy Opera'?!

It's amazing what self talk can do.  I was overwhelmed with peace today, suddenly having more confidence in myself, you, our family, and the unknown.

Here's what I've come to.

Mother of two. 
I just know that this will work.  I know that there will be moments I will feel overwhelmed and under prepared.  I have a great partner and you have a great dad.  He can't wait for Cole to "need" him more.  And he can't wait to meet you. I know that "love will multiply, not divide" - this seems impossible to imagine, but I know it's true.

Money.
It all works out.  We've crunched numbers and we can make it work.  It will take some sacrifice, probably all of which will make us better (no netflix, less or no cable, downgraded internet, etc).

Childbirth.
It's natural.  Baby, you and me - we were both made for this.  I am at peace knowing that we both naturally, innately know how to do this.  I can't wait to meet you, hold you, name you.  My mantra for any meditations I have been practicing has been "my body was made for this."  I know that we will work together for a wonderful experience.

the 'Three Piggy Opera'
I hope that I can be there.  But, as your dad reminded me - you are more important to Cole for the duration of his life that me being at his play.  (secretly I think we're in the clear - only 24 hours until the play!  that helps me feel pretty good about this one.)

So, I am telling myself to calm down. 
Enjoy this time. 
Soak up your big brother. 
Get a kick out of your kicks - I think they are so cute. 
Imagine you. 
Dream of our lives together; your daddy, me, your big brother, and you. 

I feel so close to you already but I know that you are about to take me by surprise with love and emotion.  So, come when you're ready, baby.  You have missed several days when other people wanted you to be born.  I hope that this means that you are confident in yourself - and ready to be your own person.  Be who you are.  I can't wait to find out all about you!  See you soon.

Love,
Mama

Near the end....

Dear Baby,

Your room is ready.

I have done all four (totally uncomfortable) ice exercises to prepare myself for the pain of labor.

Our bags are packed.

Plans are made for Cole and dogs to be cared for.

You hurt in my body - you are outgrowing me.
However, I am trying to remember that these may be the last days in my life when I get to carry a baby inside of me.  I love feeling you move through the day and wearing my belly with pride.

We passed 37 weeks gestation - all of the books say that you are fully developed.

I got my toes did.

Daddy has the yard and house looking great.

Your carseat is wating.

Your big brother is waiting.

We are all waiting.  

See you soon.

Love,

Mama

You, Me, & Big Brother at 38 weeks, 4 days.

Update:
The carpets have been shampoo-ed - - - again.
And the dogs got baths.
This house is SO ready for you!

Update on the Update:
I have "re-did" my toes twice.
The house is clean.  I am having a hard time keeping it this way!
Your brother and I are adjusting to our new schedule and soaking up our last days alone.  Having fun AND ready for your company!
My legs are shaved.
I've walked, bounced on the exercise ball, eaten spicy foods, AND determined that you are stubborn!  ;-)

The Big Brother

Cole's days a our only child are numbered (16ish days).  I can't imagine sharing the love I have for him but I hear that there is no worry - I'll just grow more love.  Which, I imagine is true because it's exactly what happened with Cole.  For the past three years I have known overwhelming love, pride, and joy - all wrapped up in one handsome young boy.  Here's what he's up to these days.

- He eats salad.  He tried it for the first time last week and we've gone through tons of ranch dressing and a few heads of lettuce since!  Before he tried it he always told me that he would like salad when he got big.  The implication here makes me weepy.

- He no longer wakes up AS predictably.  We've started letting him *stay up late* on weekends and he then sleeps in a bit on the weekends....sometimes it's still 5:30, sometimes 7:30!  He goes to bed easily (for the most part).

- He went on a field trip to the Magic House last week with his school.  I wasn't able to go (because a: work and b: limited mobility!). Cole was able to tell me all about it in a way that I could picture his day! 

- He put on a t-shirt last week and asked where it came from.  I told him that Oma had given it to him.  He asked if Oma got it for him in Heaven? 

- We read "The Kissing Hand" often.  Cole believes in the kissing hand.  We exchange smooches on the hand at bedtime and drop off for school.  He holds his palms closed to protect Mommy & Daddy's kisses as long as he remembers (usually a lot longer than Mommy remembers to protect her kissing hand!).

- He has started copying me in saying "How did you get to be so cute?!"  He asks me this....I melt and tell him just because I am his Mommy.

- He requests to listen to his music on my ipod.  He has a playlist consisting of some SpongeBob, Yo Gabba Gabba, Trout Fishing in America, and Bob Marley.   He loves to sing along with TFIA - the Window. 

- Tonight when we said our prayers he reminded me to pray for Japan.  He told me that the earth wiggled there and people's houses broke.  I had talked to him about this a few days ago but I was brought to tears by how much his little heart and mind soaked this up.

- Parent-Teacher Conferences this afternoon:  Cole is young for the class he is in now and we will send him to preschool for three years to give him a good foundation for his education.  My heart swelled when his teacher talked about his good hugs and sweet nature.

I am so proud of this boy and I cannot wait to see him become a big brother.  I can't imagine growing more love since at least weekly I can feel my chest puff up and eyes tear up with pride and love.  My chest might explode with two kids to adore!

Countdown

A few weeks ago Cole and I made a paper chain to visualize how long it would be before the baby comes...after he has said repeatedly, "this baby is taking fooooreverrrrr!"  

Our chain is much shorter now....down to 23 links!!!

Pregnancy Post Dos

With six weeks and two days left until our whole world changes, here are some of the changes my life is already seeing...

-I. Hurt. All. Over.

-"Good sleep" is a thing of the past.  Refer to the hurting all over.  Great training for when baby comes along.

-This baby feels like a giant.  Cole never felt this big!  Uh oh!  Cole was 8lb 7oz and I delivered him with an epidural.

-This baby will be delivered without medications.  (I am scared.)

-Baby moves all the time.  This can be downright painful, considering how huge he/she feels!

-I have lost all energy for living.  Sorry about the laundry, D!

-The recliner needs me and I need the recliner.

-I have prepared 7 casseroles that now wait in the freezer.  I hope this is helpful after baby comes.   I hope they taste good.  I hope I didn't waste HOURS over the weekend cooking my tail off!

-We have begun 'training' with our doula.  I am also beginning my 'pain training' with an ice water exercise.  Research says that IF I do this exercise 4 times before I go into labor, I will be able to better tolerate and cope with pain!

-Heartburn.  I could do so much better with controlling this - but chocolate is so good.  

-At my last visit I learned that baby was head down and ready for take-off.  This may be proven wrong but I am betting that this baby doesn't wait until April to make an appearance.

-I am emotional.  Even more than usual.

-All of this being said, I am so excited to meet this baby.  I am trying to remember these moments, as this will likely be my last pregnancy.  I know that I will downplay these "cons" when I am not pregnant.  Obviously pregnancy is amazing and such a miracle.   I am so lucky to have this experience twice, to be healthy, and to be nurturing a healthy baby.  I feel connected to baby through the kicks and movement - in some way I think those are telling of personality - and this little one is spunky!

Self portraits @ 33 weeks, 5 days

Derek is amazing.

He is....

...taking good care of me.

...massaging my back in the middle of the night when I am huffing and puffing in discomfort/pain.

...offering repeatedly to do whatever he can to help me.

...doing laundry and housework that I can't bring myself to do.

...teasing me only a little about the lunacy of my casserole making.

...looking forward to Cole 'needing' him more when I am consumed by nursing/caring for baby.

...remarking on how much he looks forward to having an infant again.

...working Saturdays so he has time to take off when we transition to a family of four.

...painting, fixing, organizing, and readying our home for it's coming change in inhabitants.

...overall, being a great partner for me as I deal with above noted changes.

Ice. Ice. Baby.

With t-8 weeks until bebe arrives, we have started on the changes that have to happen to accommodate a family of four in this house!

After he completed, I told Derek in shock that he had just painted the kids rooms!

Have a look at the mess progress:

There are many other things that need to happen before this child arrives...such as choosing a name, organizing, remembering how to change a diaper, laundry, laundry, laundry, etc.

We are on our way though!

Pregnancy Post

Today I am 28 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  

Bebe is more active that I EVER remember Cole being!

Derek was able to feel bebe kick much earlier this time around, about 24 weeks.  

Cole predicted a baby brother until this week.  Now he says there is a baby brother in his tummy and a baby sister in mine.  Hmmm....

I was much more nauseous this time around.  With Cole I had headaches, not a problem with this bebe.

I have gained around 20 pounds so far.  With Cole I gained 75 pounds total.  I think I am on track to have a MUCH lower total this time.  Even I would have a hard time gaining 55 pounds in the next 11+ weeks.

Derek and I are up-in-the-air on names.  I love family names.  For a girl, I will have a hard time choosing.  For a boy, I am stumped.  We used three of the best with Cole!

The nursery is nowhere near completion....not even started!  We have all of the basics that we used for Cole. It will be a matter of painting and putting things into the room.  Then comes the laundry and sorting through baby clothes.  (and ooohing and aaahing over how tiny and sweet they are)  <3

Daycare is up in the air.  Being in a new community....a small community, makes it hard to find someone.  I have put my feelers out and am hopeful that the right person will come along.  Paying for 2 kiddos care is going to make things tight!  All worth it though.

I am flying at 30 weeks.  I would never have done this with Cole.  I am much more "brave" this time around...I don't worry or question nearly as much as I did with my pregnancy with Cole.  I have heard and hope that this will translate into my mothering of this bebe.  Enjoy more, worry less.

I grunt a lot.  In and out of the car = grunt.  Standing too long, making everything from the waist down ache = grunt.  Getting out of/off of the couch = grunt.

I pee a lot...mostly through the night.

It was very hard to not find out the baby's gender this time around.  However, I am so happy we didn't.  I can't wait for the moment when we hear, "it's a..."
(and this means I get to buy a "home from the hospital" outfit for both)

I snore.  Loudly.  Poor Derek.  

I breathe through my mouth most of the time.  I've had sinus/congestion issues throughout this pregnancy (hence the snoring).  I am tired of being a 'mouth-breather.'

Heartburn!  It came early...before I knew I was pregnant I had heartburn, one of the first signs (I ONLY get heartburn when I am pregnant).  I broke down today and asked my doctor what I could start taking for it.  Pepcid, Prevacid, etc....here I come!

Very little swelling so far!  I remember missing my ankles while pregnant with Cole!

Childbirth will be all natural.  I am trying to pump myself up for this fact.  We have hired a doula and will begin our "training" in February.  We may even set up a birth tub in our dining room to help me labor at home comfortably for as long as possible.  Please pray for us!??!

11 weeks and 2 days to go in theory.  I can't wait to meet this little one!