Tomorrow marks 40 weeks of pregnancy. What a ride! The past few weeks I have been nothing short of a basketcase. I have carried so much anxiety around....
How would I be mommy to 2 kids?!
Where will the money come from for child care?!
How the #*^% am I going to have a baby without medications?!
When will you come and will you interrupt your brother's performance in the 'Three Piggy Opera'?!
It's amazing what self talk can do. I was overwhelmed with peace today, suddenly having more confidence in myself, you, our family, and the unknown.
Here's what I've come to.
Mother of two.
I just know that this will work. I know that there will be moments I will feel overwhelmed and under prepared. I have a great partner and you have a great dad. He can't wait for Cole to "need" him more. And he can't wait to meet you. I know that "love will multiply, not divide" - this seems impossible to imagine, but I know it's true.
Money.
It all works out. We've crunched numbers and we can make it work. It will take some sacrifice, probably all of which will make us better (no netflix, less or no cable, downgraded internet, etc).
Childbirth.
It's natural. Baby, you and me - we were both made for this. I am at peace knowing that we both naturally, innately know how to do this. I can't wait to meet you, hold you, name you. My mantra for any meditations I have been practicing has been "my body was made for this." I know that we will work together for a wonderful experience.
the 'Three Piggy Opera'
I hope that I can be there. But, as your dad reminded me - you are more important to Cole for the duration of his life that me being at his play. (secretly I think we're in the clear - only 24 hours until the play! that helps me feel pretty good about this one.)
So, I am telling myself to calm down.
Enjoy this time.
Soak up your big brother.
Get a kick out of your kicks - I think they are so cute.
Imagine you.
Dream of our lives together; your daddy, me, your big brother, and you.
I feel so close to you already but I know that you are about to take me by surprise with love and emotion. So, come when you're ready, baby. You have missed several days when other people wanted you to be born. I hope that this means that you are confident in yourself - and ready to be your own person. Be who you are. I can't wait to find out all about you! See you soon.
Love,
Mama
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