Forty-One Weeks

I never thought I would still be pregnant today!  I am 4 days into maternity leave with no babe in arms...
Today Derek worked from home so he could take me to the doctor and keep Cole wrangled while we were there.  I had a non-stress test to keep tabs on the baby's heart rate. I also had an ultrasound to check out amniotic fluid levels for baby.  Everything looked good.  That is the good news!  
Unfortunately baby is not dropping into birth position very well.  Doc couldn't even feel my cervix today b/c it was so high.  He said that there "may be a reason" the baby is not dropping into position.  Doctor spooked me when he started talking about my risk increasing for the need of cesarean section.  He offered to induce labor today....but cautioned that risks for c-section increase at this point with or without induction.
I held it together until I walked out to tell Derek the news.  The words "increased risk for C-section" wouldn't come without the company of tears.  Derek was reassuring and comforting, reminding me that baby is most important.  And reminding me that this experience WILL be better than how things went with Cole.  My biggest fear is losing out on bonding with another baby.  My first memories of holding Cole are mixed with memories of confusion about why I didn't feel well...something wasn't right, Iwas uncomfortable...Of course I bonded with him - but I am angry about the mix of emotions that I had.  I don't want to miss out again on those joyous moments of meeting my baby.

HOWEVER, I need to remember that this baby will be out, I will meet him or her and our time together will begin!

On the flip side....The highlights of my day:
-my two favorite boys accompanied me to the doctor today and were perfectly sweet and caring through it all.
-we got a kitchen full of groceries after my appointment.  we really needed to restock before baby.
-chinese food with my favorite fellas.
-preschool screenings - they told me what I already knew - Cole is super smart.  And, not to worry about the "L" and "R" sound that his teacher was slightly concerned with.  He doesn't need to master these until 7 and 8 years old.
-tons of support from those around me, checking in via phone, text, and facebook.
-a great conversation with Julie, our doula, who says it's all good.

the plan:
-exercise ball
-walking, curb walking, stairs, movement...
-cat pose
-follow up with doctor on Monday for another non-stress test.
-induction Friday (if all is well with baby and fluid levels until then).
-castor oil on Thursday to try to induce on my own....?
Let's hope things get going soon!


POST SCRIPT:
contractions began overnight and became consistent around 2:30 am.  Let's do this!