Back at it...

One week back into work.
Day One was tearful!  Hormones paired with the sadness of my fantastic leave ending left me a blubbering mess all day!  I thought I was ready - - until I left.  Then I thought I had myself pulled together - - until I dropped Derek off and had a moment to myself.  Then I told myself I was going to be okay - - until the first person I saw welcomed me back.  Then I cried for an hour.  Then I stopped crying and made it through a client visit.  Then I told myself I was fine because I was on my way home! - - until I picked Derek up and told him that I didn't want to do it again the next day.  Then I got home and figured I was good to go - - until I snuggled my baby and played with my boy and realized that being a mom makes me happier than anything in the whole wide world and I wish I could focus all of my energy on mom-nes.
Day Two brought fewer tears.  I am SO grateful that Na is watching the kiddos while I adjust to being away from them.  I have 100% trust in her and know that the kids are getting such good love and attention!  And- I am so grateful that she is helping me to figure out a schedule/getting into a groove with Maxine and the bottle.  There are no words to express the gratitude...I just can't find them!
The rest of the week really agreed with me.  I have said it before and it might sound like just positive blabber - but I really love my job - my coworkers - my freedom - and my independence in my work.  I like the ride to and from work - time for D and I to talk and be grown-ups together.  I like being in St. Louis, driving around, listening to the radio, being me...
I have felt strangely okay for a few days.  Strangely because I thought I would be fighting depression right now.  Almost "out of body"...  I feel really happy and present.  The downside is that I having feelings of "what am I supposed to be doing?" and "what do I do next?"  Not sure if this is hormonal or sleep-deprived-over-caffeinated but I hope the feeling of presence and enjoying every moment can last.  Because I AM so lucky: relationships - kids - work - home - health....
For now, back to this good stuff...

...and hoping this feeling lasts!